Mamaof2M's

Being A Christian

2012-05-31T15:53:00.002-05:00

It is a windy day here in Kansas, sunny yet cool. Storms blew through fast and furiously last night. It seemed that the rain was what one might see in a low level hurricane, but it was a lot that fell very quickly from our normally calm skies. It had been hot, oh so hot, over the weekend. The storms were caused by cool air from Canada, mixing with hot air from the south. It was loud, damaging, but we were safe.
Days like today, the calm after the storm, sunny skies, gentle breezes cooling our apartment, perfect for the park and reading books.
Over the weekend, we went to Kingdom, as my girls call it. The place of fun, water fights, homemade meals, and Grandma and Grandpa Baruth. A small town, where most know each other, big news is the cafe burning down, and many churches. We love going to Kingdom, we can relax, the girls can play, get spoiled and extra loved by their grandparents. We went to church while there. They have a new pastor, who I found dynamic and amazing at making me think about my faith.
These thoughts continued, as David watched dvd's for Sunday School at our church, of Louie Giglio. If you don't know him, you need to Google, You Tube, whatever....him. His message is clear and concise. We are lucky. Lucky that God wanted us on his earth. He, in one breath, made the stars, and made us in his image. He tells stories that are sad, but amazing. Stories about how many golfballs it would take to fill a bus to make a certain star. Stories that make me, remind me, how important my faith is.
In 34 years of life, I have been through a lot. A sudden loss of many friends in high school, the sudden death of a grandmother fighting cancer, the sudden death of my mother, the sudden death of my grandfather, single parenthood, heartbreak, sick children, watching my spouse die to be revived, three heart surgeries of my spouse, ill family members, marriage struggles, and struggles professionally at work. In this life, I seem to have a lot of heartache, yet most days, I'm a pretty happy woman. I look for the good in people, or at least try to.
I think about how lucky we are, to have a place to live, two children that are growing, family that loves us, family that takes care of us in many ways, a husband that doesn't mind doing bath time, reading books, and handing over my Advil when I need it the most.
As I think about what I have endured, and my relationship with God, I realized something. My faith, is what has truly gotten me through all of these things. Bad things happen, awful things happen, things that can make me question, "Why me again, God?" Yet I now get it. My faith, faith in something, someone so MUCH BIGGER than I can even imagine. A being, that allows bad things to happen so that good can come from them.
When our mother passed away, it was awful, as you can imagine. But more importantly, good came out of it. She wished for her organs to be donated, and we did. Her eyes, bones, kidneys, whatever they could take, they did. We have gotten letters about people who have gotten parts of her. We haven't met with them, but I can tell you...that makes the pain so much better. Our God, my faith in Him, has allowed me to see this.
This weekend, in listening to a sermon, watching movies, I have seen this, and felt it, more importantly. I don't have to be perfect, I have to try, to put my life in his hands, while listening and watching for signs that will help me through each day. I find comfort that He is watching out for me, along with the angles mentioned above. I find comfort in the fact that his son, came here, to take away my sins, to love me enough to do that.
I find comfort in knowing that my children love God, Jesus to the utmost. They pray before meals, they ask for nightly devotions, they want to learn and sing about the Bible. My children tell people, "I love you to God. I love you to Jesus." Could there be a greater kind of love? I think not.
I'm sure not all of you are believers, and that is your choice. I just can't imagine my life, my marriage, my kids without the presence of the Lord in our place. I am thankful, blessed, and understand how my faithfulness has gotten me this far in life. In my life, I have learned that it is harder to believe than to not.....I always remind myself of this when things are tough. Yet I know, when I need someone at my darkest moments, when everyone is asleep, and I need time to talk, He is listening. For that, I feel that being a Christian is the best gift in the world.

A Family Update

2012-05-23T08:51:00.000-05:00

Living hundreds of miles away from family, we don't see or speak with them very often. I grew up this way, living away from them, visiting during summers and Christmas, but mostly talking with them over the phone. My children are growing-up the same way, so technology has become a wonderful thing. Facebook and e-mails have allowed us to share our lives with the ones we love, both near and far. Recently, some of our family has sent e-mails out, telling of what their families are up to. Instead of trying to remember a million e-mails, I thought it would be easiest to share on here. Makenna finished her first year at school with me, and is already gearing up for second grade. She did great, learning a lot, and spending a lot of time chatting. She made great friends, learned what it meant to be a good friend, and even learned the hard way about friends growing apart. She loves to play games on the computer, write stories, and play with her sister. She is looking forward to music camp and vacation bible school at our church, tennis camp, and going to visit, "Grandma Far, Far Away," in Ohio. She has many workbooks that didn't get finished at school, so she is also planning on working on those this summer, as well as working on her reading and math facts. (It's awful to have a mother as a teacher.) She is also excited to have play dates with her friends, and shopping trips to Kansas City with her Emmie. Mavvie is doing well, also! She loves to explore all things, especially dirty things. Her love for dirt and digging are amazing to me, as she doesn't care how dirty she gets. She loves books, and has recently discovered "The DoodleBops," videos at the public library. She is a wild woman, and enjoys in giving me daily heart attacks by putting the hermit crabs in various places, along with her glasses. She was accepted to be a peer role model at a special needs preschool, but we aren't sure if she will be going. They don't provide transportation, and her current daycare provider is unable to do so as well. We think we have the pick-up worked out, but drop-off is a problem. We are praying that we can find a solution, as this is an awesome opportunity for her. She is still small, doesn't have a huge appetite, except for sweets and broccoli. She is basically eating a vegan diet, although she eats eggs and occasionally will eat meat. We are hoping she has gained weight when we go for a physical. She is still a sweet, happy little bitty, who deals with all of her issues in stride. David is doing well, thank goodness. He had a check-up last week with the heart surgeon, which went very well. He was even taken off of a medicine. He hasn't had any problems after the initial issues, and so we are hoping that things will stick this time. He is still at Wasburn, but no longer working in Garvey. He was transferred to Morgan Hall, and is extremely busy. He said he likes being able to be around more people, especially the ones that he used to see often when he was there before. He is no longer helping out with youth group at church, but has taken a really active role in youth Sunday school. He really enjoys that, and likes being able to work with the youth again. David is amazing at helping with the girls, especially knowing how the end of the school year was for me. He is an awesome Daddy, and often the girls play restaurant and dolls with him. I am also doing well, super excited that we are on summer vacation. This was a tough year for me,with a challenging group of kids, along with learning a new grade level curriculum. I am moving grades again next year, although I'm trying not to think much about it right now. I never thought I'd be teaching fifth grade again, so it's a bit of an adjustment. My classroom is all moved and packed away, which is nice to have finished. I will look at the math series at some point over the summer, but am planning on really trying to relax. I finished my ELL courses this semester, and am now officially certified to be an ELL teacher. I learned so much over the last two-and-a-half years, and use many of the strategies with all of my students. I am glad to have a small break, though. I am planning on applying to Baker University to work towards my School Leadership masters degree. My ultimate goal is to be a principal, so we shall see how it all works out. I am heading back to the gym in the next few days, to get back on the work-out train. I look forward to having an hour a day to work-out my thoughts, and to help me feel better. (Help me keep to this, okay?) All in all, our family is doing well. We are so blessed in our everyday lives, and sometimes I forget that. We hope this finds you all healthy and happy. We love and miss you all, and the girls and I look forward to our road trip in June. Love, D, W, M and M

Lucky

2012-05-18T22:29:00.004-05:00

I am lucky enough to be in a career that I love, most of the time, that allows me to have new challenges everyday, and that I get a break from. Granted, everyone has vacation time that can be taken, but being a teacher, I get several weeks off at a time. That being said, please know that we don't get three months off to do nothing. Most of us think about the upcoming year, make lesson plans, read our text books, take classes, and have professional development days to give us new ideas. I love summer vacation. The more I teach, the more I love it, but the more I need the time away from the school. This has been an unusual year for our family and school. We moved Makenna to the school where I teach, it was both for convienience and for her well-being. We weren't thrilled about the leadership at her old school, and some of the staff just wasn't kind. She needed to move, and it seemed like a good idea for her to just come with me. She loved it, and although she talked a lot, she learned a lot. She learned that girls aren't always nice, boys pick on you when they think you are pretty, that you can climb the rope in the gym wearing a dress, not to mention all of the academic items as well. She learned what a school should be like, where the adults support each other, even if they don't get along. It was cool to have her with me, and a blessing that our district allowed it to happen. Our summer plans are minimal. The girls, my sister and I are heading to Ohio to visit, "Grandma Far Far Away," as they call their Great Grandmother. It will be the first trip for Mavvie in the car, and the first that will Makenna will remember. We are all excited to go, as it's a family tradition to have a road trip during the summer. Other than that, we will be going to music camp, vacation bible school, and tennis camp. We will also be going to the park, the pools, the library. I love that my girls are so excited about those things, especially the books that we will be reading. We are also sticking to the chore chart, so we don't exhaust ourselves cleaning up all of the time. Also, we are going to cook as a family. I want to teach my girls the right way to cook, the fresh way, using yummy tasty things without a bunch of preservatives and yucky things. I need to eat better, will be going back to the gym, and am looking forward to finding out what new and fun things we can make together. We get to do all of these things. I am lucky, I get that, I really do. When I am tired of playing Scrabble, or reading the SAME book to Mavvie, I hope I can take a breath, realize how lucky I am. I love my career, want to advance it in the future to school administration, but also want to make time for my girls and D. They don't get enough of me, and I see that. So here's to a summer full of fun in the sun, books, watching the hermit crabs, blowing bubbles, and realizing how lucky we are to be in the moments that will cause us to laugh until we cry, cry until we laugh, and feel the blessings that are upon us each day.

Explaining the Unthinkable

2012-05-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

Living in Topeka, Kansas, we have a group of people that spread hate, in the name of God. We see them all over town, at churches, at schools, at events. They carry signs, awful signs about God hating people, hating our city, and the military. They have a following, a few families, and all of them, including children hold these picket signs. Signs that say, "GOD HATES FAGS" and "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS." Yes, the unthinkable things are all over these signs. Their message, a part of their religion, takes hate to an entirely new level. While driving around town, I can usually avoid them when the girls are in the car with me. But yesterday, I couldn't. I had no choice, but to drive by them. They were picketing Washburn University, where graduations were taking place, where they would be seen by hundreds or thousands of people. Small children holding signs of hate, adults singing hymns, videotaping the cars driving by, looking for people to be negative towards them. Truly, a sight that disgusts me on so many levels. Makenna noticed their brightly colored signs, often in neon colors with huge black lettering. She asked, "What are they doing? Why are there so many signs?" I explained to her that these people think they are spreading the word of God, but they are actually spreading hatred. She asked more questions, wondering how God could hate, if HE does hate, and why do they believe these things. I didn't have many answers, but I did explain how these people feel. They hate gay people, people who support gay people, people who believe in our country, and really, people who don't agree with them. She got quiet, asked about family members that are gay, and how she feels about them. "I love them, God made them that way, and it's awesome that God let them be in our family. God loves everyone, doesn't HE Mommy?" I assured her that yes, yes HE does love everyone, even people who don't always make good choices. We talked a lot about this. About how people that are mean, like these people, need to be prayed for even more than we probably realize. She talked about her peers, who steal her food erasers, tease her, get sassy with her, and take her scissors. She said, "It's hard to pray for them, when they aren't nice to me and my friends." I agreed with her. It is hard to pray for those that seemingly are not nice, that take from us, that hate. In talking with her, we both said our thoughts and feelings about this. In reflecting upon this conversation, I realized that the explanation, of something so big and so unthinkable was hard but englighting. I learned from her that she believes, truly believes that God is something special. I learned that she has been taught the way that we believe, that God loves us all, and that we should feel the same way. I think that being able to explain this, a hate that runs deep for people and a country that allows these protests to happen, is probably one of the hardest things I have had to discuss with Makenna. I don't understand why they feel this way, how they can call their beliefs love for God, when their message is hate. I don't understand how they can call our country a horrible place to live, with our flag hanging upside down, when it's our country that has laws to protect them and allows them to say and do these awful things. In the end, we prayed for them, the people that we think need the most prayers, that God finds a way in their heart in a positive way. That they may feel HIS love the way that we do. That they will accept HIS love in the pure way it is intended, a way that leads to love, hope and life.

Turning Seven

2012-04-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

Dearest Makenna Coleen, Goodness, you are seven! I am not sure where the time has gone from the day of your birth to now. You have grown into the beautiful heart and soul that you were born with. When you were born, those first hours, when it was just you, Emmie and me, I remember thinking that your eyes were the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. They were dark, very dark, brown. They showed your emotions early on, and continue to do so to this very day. In seven years you have learned so much, experienced so much, and taught so much. You are kind, so kind, to those that need it the most. Your heart is huge, bigger than your whole being, and you share it with gusto and passion. Your smile lights up a room, as your laughter fills that room. You giggle loudly, often causing all that love you, and those that do not, to smile and eventually giggle with you. You love to laugh, you love to share laughter, to make others laugh, especially when others need it the most. You have a faith that is unrelenting, that is pure and honest, and glorious. You talk to God, asking grown up questions, but mostly praying for those that you love, for your family, friends, and stuffed animals. You sing, a lot. You sing everything from Lady Gaga to Carrie Underwood to Dr. Suess hits. You sing loudly, with full confidence that you have possessed from your arrival into the world. You dance. Oh my, do you dance! You've got moves like nobody I know, and you love to be in the center of a dancin' circle, while you wow the crowd with your robot/jazz/hip hop moves. At age seven, you aren't even 50 inches tall, 54 pounds, and are all arms and legs. You walk with a grace that I, along with others, envy. Your movements flow like a dancer, with the build of an athlete. Your favorite things are dancing, singing, and running. You love to be active, to play sports, to run screaming around the playground, to give hugs to your friends. Your love is abundant and true. You hug as if it's the first and last time you are seeing people, even if you saw them an hour before. You love with your whole heart, a heart that is beautiful and wise, for such a young girl. I admire the way you love, the way you forgive, and the way you look at life. In your eyes, life can be hard, but it is worth the struggle. For you, things come easily. However, you talk with me about your sister who has had many struggles. You defend her to rude people, you stick up for her, you play with her, teach her and lead her to be on a wonderful, yet loud, path of life. You are an amazing big sister. Thank you for helping with her, for being her friend and for loving her the way that you do, a fierce sisterly love that is an unbreakable bond. Thank you, Makenna, for allowing me to make mistakes as you have grown up. Thank you for teaching me how to love deeper, truer, and with an open heart. Thank you for teaching me about forgiveness, and letting go. Thank you for reminding me that life isn't about work and school, but moments when you crawl up on my lap and snuggle while reading a million books. Thank you, for being you, perfect you. God could not have blessed me with a more perfect Makenna. I hope you continue to love your sister, school, and your dear friends. I hope your faith continues to grow, that you still talk to God in times of need, and are secure that He is always here for you. I hope that as you grow older, you continue to be a light for those that need it, a voice for those that won't speak, and a defender of those that need your support. At seven, you boggle my mind with your maturity and love. I can only imagine what milestones you will reach in this year and beyond. No matter what, always remember that Daddy, Mavvie and I love you to the moon, to the stars and to the sun. You bring joy to our hearts everyday, and we look forward to walking with you throughout your life journey. We look forward to teaching you and to being taught by you. Happy, Happy Birthday, Makadoodle! Love, Mommy

A Weekend To Remember

2012-04-10T19:50:00.002-05:00

For all the years that we have been married, David's parents have wanted us to go to a marriage retreat weekend called, "Weekend To Remember." It wasn't my cup of tea, so we kept declining the offer. However, this year, we decided that it would be alright to try it. Marriage is difficult, and having a weekend to learn is something that we did need.

I wasn't thrilled, but ended up excited to leave for Kansas City, where the retreat was held. Perhaps sleeping in a huge bed, with no children waking us up, and some quality time with just us, was really needed. I had no idea how much it was needed until we arrived at the hotel.

The retreat began on Friday night, and was scheduled to go until nearly 10 pm. I'm not a night owl, so the prospect of this, after working all day, driving to get there, and listening to people talk was not something that made me super excited. We checked in, dropped our things in the most lovely room, and headed to the elevator to begin our, "Weekend to Remember."

I cannot believe it took us four years to go to this convention. It was the BEST weekend, ever. Not only did we learn tips about marriage, but parenting, and our relationships with God. It was a beautiful weekend, with tons of information, that was both thought-provoking and eye-opening. It was a weekend where for once, we could stop, take a breath, and look into each others eyes to see the people we have become in the last few years.

Parts of it were not so pretty, the nagging feelings I had about some of the things that I had said or done, weren't so kind. I'm sure he felt the same. But truthfully, it was mostly beautiful. We connected, again, as we hadn't in a very long time. We bonded, talked, and just enjoyed the silence. The glances, with eyes full of admiration and love, and most importantly, an understanding of the other.

We wrote a love letter to each other, while I cried, I realized that I don't say things enough to him. Our life has consumed us, with all that has happened, and all that will happen. With worry, with stress, with the everyday schedule that is our lives. This weekend, called "Weekend to Remember," was becoming just that. A weekend that we both cherished, look back on with great memories, and made us a stronger couple, but also, stronger parents.

We owe so much to David's parents, but this is a gift that truly, truly touched our hearts and souls. Our relationship is a million times stronger, as is our parenting and our relationships with God. We want to go again next year, for our anniversary.

So thank you, Bob and Karen, for this gift. Words really cannot be written about what a blessing the weekend was for us, and for what it will continue to be for us.

If you would like to go to the retreat, it is sponsored by FamilyLife, a Christian organization. It would be great for all couples, even those that think they have the perfect relationship!

A Birthday Letter

2012-03-22T11:48:00.004-05:00

Dearest Mavvie Renee,

You turned three just over a week ago, which is hard to believe. I remember your birth like it was yesterday. It was Friday the 13th, you were three weeks early, but nobody could tell by looking at you. You were round, perfect in all ways.

In three years, you have faced many challenges. To you, it's just life, which is one of my favorite things about you. You are funny, hilariously funny, caring, loud, and still perfect in all ways. Well, except for the hitting you are currently into! You want to, "be a good girl," even when sometimes the temptation to be naughty is too great. You love a challenge, your sister, and to snuggle. You are amazing in so many different ways.

You speech has come along so much. At 18 months, you weren't saying 20 words. Now, we can't get you to stop. I love it, even thought I get after you for talking so much. You love knock knock jokes, fresh air, and being the boss of everyone, or so you think.

You, my sweet Mavvie, are a light to so many people. You love unconditionally, truly, and with your entire being. You knock people down with your hugs and kisses. You love your sister, and she loves you just as much. I hope that your relationship stays as strong as it is now. I hope you continue to snuggle with her, read books together, and stick up for each other....forever.

Thank you for teaching me what love is, what it can be, and the beauty in so many things. Thank you for letting me be your Mommy, for letting me make mistakes, for understanding that I'm not perfect, but still testing the waters with me. You keep me on my toes every minute of every day. But I love it!

You make my heart full of love, a love that has changed and grown since you have come into our family. You, my sweet girl, are going to do big things in life, which I look forward to watching. I look forward to you becoming you, full of life, personality, and giggles.

Happy, Happy Birthday, my sweet girl. May this year be better than the ones before. May you learn, grow and continue to be an inspiration with how you deal with all that is thrown at you. May your faith continue to grow, your prayers to be sweet, and finally, your blessings be abundant.

I love you to the moon,
Mommy

"God? What about God? He's my best friend?" -Mavvie Baruth, age 3 (My favorite quote that you have ever said!)

Best Friends

2012-03-19T17:55:00.004-05:00

The other day, I was speaking to my Dad on the phone. I mentioned something about God. This is what Mavvie said in reply. "God? What about God? He's my best friend!"
I know everyone doesn't believe in the God that we do, or even in a God at all. But in our lives, we believe. We believe that it is harder TO believe, than not to. This comment, innocently said by a three-year-old, made my week. It means,
to me, that even though we aren't perfect parents, she feels a love greater than any other. What a blessed life we live.

A Weekend Alone

2011-10-23T17:27:00.002-05:00

Often, David realizes when I've totally reached my limit, and need some time to myself. This year, it seems to be happening a lot. School is pretty stressful, as is home, and just life in general. Since I'm a worrier, I don't relax well...or at all. I'm always keyed up with things to do, and things on my mind. This past week was unusually busy, with parent-teacher conferences consuming a lot of my time. David knew how tired I'd be, so he took the girls to his parents house for the weekend.

During this weekend, I spent time with my sister, who I love more than words can say. We've hung out a little with our dad, decorating for Halloween. It's been relaxing and wonderful. However, my mind is constantly on my children. We needed to get a few things at Target, which turned into finishing shopping for their Halloween costumes, new jammies, and a tennis racket. This all turned into a trip to Old Navy, resulting in some very cheap shirts for the girls, and winter coats for them as well.

My weekend alone, meaning without children, was spent worrying about their weekend, scheduling of this week, Halloween, and shopping for much needed items. I was alone, without screams of my name, screams of "STOP IT," and screams in general. It has been awesome, but weird. It has been much, much needed, and allowed me the time I've needed to take a breath.

I can't help but wonder if I'm the only mother that feels this way. I think of my cousin, who has a preschooler and twin boys. She always seems so put together, so with it....so, the perfect example of a Mom. She's a blogger as well, a wonderful and published writer, that I look up to as a Mom. She feeds her kids hummus and veggies, fancy cheese and fruit, and listens to classical music with them. She lets them paint, and do arts and crafts. I don't think she yells, if it happens, it's not often. She's awesome, and as we've grown up, I see her awesomeness even more. She's inspiring, to say the least.

But how do I get to where she is? She seems to have naturally fallen into this role of motherhood, the awesome motherhood where cookies are always made for school parties, handmade invites are made for parties, and words are eloquently flowing in all of her blogs. Again, she's awesome...as in awesomesauce. And I love her to the moon as well.

This weekend alone has made me realize, I need to be more like her. I need to play classical music, dance with my babies, attempt to get Mak to eat hummus, and relax. She'll tell you that she's a worrier too, but she seems so together. I need that in my life.

A weekend alone has me refreshed, with a new outlook. I can't say that I won't yell to often, that I won't fall back into bad habits at time. This weekend is the start of a new beginning. I want to be more patient, more open, and more available to my girls. Life has taken me over, and I allowed it. But now, NO MORE! We are in my favorite time of year, where family times are my favorite times.

So here's to a new Mama. A refreshed Mama. An inspired Mama. A big thanks to David, for realizing my need to have some time by myself. Thanks Cousin K, for being you, and being amazing at life. Love you!

An Update on Mavvie

2011-10-22T08:42:00.004-05:00

As many of you know, Mavvie has been a source of worry since before she was born. It's almost as if I knew that she was going to have some problems, some issues, before I even got to see her most beautiful little face. We have some updates about her, so I thought I'd share.

Her speech therapy is going well, which I am so thankful for. We still don't get all of what she is trying to say, which is fine. She is saying sentences, using her words for her many demands, and "reading" books to herself all of the time. She is still working with her therapist, which has been so much fun for both of them. The kids in her daycare, especially one, will sit with her while they are doing therapy. It's so sweet!

Emmie and I took Mavvie to Children's Mercy on Tuesday to meet with a new allergist and part of her GI team. The allergist said she probably doesn't have any food allergies, but an intolerance. There are no tests for an intolerance, which is a giant pain in my tush, to be honest. We know that she is intolerant to the protein in watermelon and strawberries, as she has an oral reaction to these foods. She might have it with bananas as well, but we'll have to give that some time. The allergist also said he believes she is lactose intolerant, when it's given as milk, but also that she might be intolerant to milk protein as well. If you don't know, lactose is different in milks, cheeses and yogurts. She could handle cheese and yogurt, as it is processed differently than plain old milk. She was put on PediaSure over a year ago to help her gain weight, as it has everything nutritionally she will need until she is 10. However, it has milk protein in it.

After a long talk with the allergist, he came up with a specific plan for her asthma and eczema, and sent us along to discuss this milk protein thing with the GI people. The final thought was this, "Let's try eliminating all milk proteins, lactose, milk products from her diet for three weeks." I was overwhelmed, but fine with it. I didn't realize how much food has some type of milk in in. She was put on a new formula, Elecare, and seems to love it. It's sweet, vanilla flavored, which I'm glad she likes. When she'd had it before, it didn't go so well. We are struggling with her diet, as so much has milk in it. But, we are working through those issues.

She is growing, and still happy, for which we are so thankful. You might be wondering why all of these changes, if she is growing! She had a GI scope a month or so ago, to check to see what was going on in her belly. After 10 biopsies were taken, we got word that the eosinophills are back in her GI tract. She has a slightly elevated level at her duodenum, but a higher level in her rectum area. This is the reason for these changes.

To look at her, she seems like a small, but healthy, little love. We know that she has some tummy discomfort, but doesn't complain or cry about it. We often wonder if she's just so used to it that it doesn't bother her much. We are hopeful that this lactose study will provide some answers, and help her feel better. It's very hard to tell a lot from her, since she's so little and really doesn't complain often.

Overall, the day was a wonderful day with sweet Mavvie. She is so sweet, loving, and full of curiosity. She takes everything in, with her big brown eyes, so full of wonder and zest for life. Mavvie is so independent, yet needy, funny, yet so serious, and loving of all people and things. I'm hoping that in a few years, she'll be over all of this, but I know that if she isn't, that's okay too.

We recently got some news in our family that is heartbreaking, yet optimistic. While I'd rather not share, it has put all of Mavvie's issues in perspective. At times like these, a day off of work, spent mostly at a hospital, getting help for our little peanut, is a day that reminds me of how thankful we are. Yes, she has issues, but those issues are nothing compared to what some parents are dealing with. We should take our cues from Mavvie, not complain, but live life to the fullest, dealing with things as they come, not worrying, but embracing the life that God has chosen for us.

"I Wuv You To Da Moon!"

2011-10-02T18:04:00.003-05:00

As a child of a librarian, a teacher, and a sometimes good Mama, I try to read to the girls....a lot. Mavvie's favorite activity is reading. Makenna also loves to read. Often, we read the same book over and over and over again. I've read Jamberry so many times I think I can recite it in my sleep. We've started reading chapter books, thanks to my cousins Kara and Katy for getting them for Makenna when she was a little tot. She loves Frog and Toad and Little Bear.

Mavvie has certain books that are also her favorite, but her favorite line is and has been for a long time, "I love you to the moon." It is from the book, "Guess How Much I Love You." It's a favorite of mine, of theirs, of nearly every Mama I know. It was a gift from my dear friend Sheila O. when Makenna was still waiting to join the world.

The book has been read often and discussed often. A nightly or even good-bye ritual has me saying, "Good night Makenna, I love you to the moon." "Good night Mavvie, I love you to the moon." Makenna says it back, and has for a while, as she is a big girl. Mavvie would often look at me with awe, a grin, and her chewy blankie. She never said it back, in fact, she never said anything back. Until recently.

She started saying, "I wuv you to da moon, Mommy," a few weeks ago. It's heartwarming, and makes me feel like we're making progress in her speech therapy. I finally feel like we are going where we need to be going with her. My worries are still there, but one simple sentence makes my heart fill with glee and serenity, knowing that we have gone on the correct path with her.

Today, while having a lunch at McDonald's, a treat for the girls, I was saying my good-byes to David and Mavvie. Our weekend has been full of lists getting checked off, and today was no different. We decided to divide the children and conquer tasks. I scooped her slight body into my arms and she wiggled and giggled. I said, "Bye-bye, Mavvie. I'm going to the store. I love you to the moon. Kiss?" She stopped wiggling, gave me a sweet ketchup faced smile, replied, "Uh-huh! (kiss) I WUV YOU TO DA MOON, MOMMY! I WUV YOU TO DA MOON!!!!" It melted my heart a million times over. Yes, she yelled it. Yes, it probably annoyed people that a child was screaming at the top of her lungs. But, I didn't and still don't care.

Mavvie has found her voice, a voice that is sweet, kind, demanding, and filled with love. She loves to the moon now, and can verbalize it to anyone. My heart is filled to the moon.....and back!

Never Forget

2011-09-11T09:11:00.002-05:00

Today, September 11, 2011, marks the ten year anniversary of the largest terrorist attack on our country. As I sit on my bright red couch, tears coming and going as I watch the coverage on television, I am still trying to wrap my head around these events.
I was at work, when I read online about the first attack. I went to my boss, a plan was devised, and the television around the corner was turned to NBC. In a school district administration office, there is a lot to do. But on that day, people stopped, hugged, and watched with teary eyes a day that one could never forget.
Ten long and yet short years later, we still have not forgotten. We remember the devastation, the horror, the lives lost, and now, lives that have picked up the pieces and moved on. I don't know if I will ever fully understand the evil and hatred behind this day. I don't know that I want to, or that thinking of those responsible should be given the time of day. However, I do remember the feelings, the people, the pictures and stories about the victims.
So now, we stop and remember the victims and their families. God Bless them all, as well as our country, and those that defend our nation in remembrace and honor for all of us.

As Time Goes By

2011-07-28T21:58:00.002-05:00

Well hello! It has been quite a while since I have written. For that, I am sorry. I needed a break!
But I am back, with gusto, to share our lives!

Summer has been interesting, to say the least! I have gone through some personal things, which is why I needed the break. The girls have been super busy, in and out of town, swimming, having fun! The are about to leave again so I can work on my classroom. David is well, busy with work and taking care of me! I've been sick recently, and he has really stepped up and helped!

As much as I have to say, I don't have the words out yet. Please forgive me, and I promise to write to you soon!!

What have you been up to?

Finding My Mojo

2011-05-13T18:20:00.003-05:00

As you can see, I haven't blogged in a long time! A lot has been going on in life, and I just couldn't find my words. School has been tough, class was tougher, and home just hasn't been flowing. After having a meltdown, I'd think all was better! It wasn't, until today! We had our student appreciation assembly at school. I was less than thrilled, especially since I didn't get the chance to practice. The staff was buzzing with excitement all week! I didn't get it, until today!
It was AWESOME! We had a blast, but more importantly, the kids had a blast! They sang, cheered, screamed, and danced. As teachers, we did the same! Never, ever have I felt like such a part of something that was just to show the kids tha WE love and appreciate them. Honestly, it was humbling.
This is what I needed! My perspective had gotten all out of whack, and I needed an adjustment. I'm back, feeling like me, and ready to work it! Apparently, I needed to dance the uglies out! So thank you, to my students, whom I try so hard for everyday. I hope you know how much I love about each of you! Thank you, to my peers, who keep me sane, make me laugh, and have made me feel so loved and accepted. Finally, thanks to my babies at home and David, for letting me have meltdowns and just accepting it!

A Letter To My Youngest Beauty

2011-03-24T16:57:00.002-05:00

Dearest Mavvie Renee,

It has taken me nearly two weeks to figure out the perfect words to say to you in this letter. There is so much to say, so much to proud of, so much to love about you. I want to say it all just right, so forgive my tardiness.

Two years ago, I saw your beautiful round face. You looked much like your older sister, but with striking blue eyes that melted my heart from the moment I met you. You have been through so much in these 24 months. Many hospital visits, countless medicines, five doctors, and questions from loved ones and strangers about you. Overall, you are my strong little fighter.

You have so much to be upset about, with the doctors, the meds, the poking, the prodding. But you aren't. You're a sassy little smile, an air kiss, a pull on the shirt girl. You never cease to amaze me with your quick hugs to Makenna, your silly giggle, and your love of life.

Perhaps it's because you don't know all that is different with you. I'm content with that! I'm content with this being your life, you knowing no different, with your smile at the doctors, chewing their medical equipment, and yet letting them know when you aren't happy with them. I'm content that you are a happy, funny little girl that rolls with the punches of life. You've had many things that could have knocked you down, but they didn't. For that, I'm proud of you.

So now, at the age of two you are a rock. You love bubbles, blowing out imaginary candles, Bubba, and books. Your love for your sister is beautiful and definitely reciprocated. Your favorite place in the world is snuggled with Daddy, chewing on a flour sack towel, reading a book. You also are ornery, and love to chase the cat, while trying to ride him.

In two years, you have made my heart grow more than I thought it ever could. Thank you for teaching me so much, for letting me learn how to be a better mother, for teaching me what true beauty is meant to be.

I love you,
Mama

Mavvie

2011-03-24T16:53:00.003-05:00

Here she is...the one, the only, the most beautiful Mavvie in the world!

These pictures were taken around her second birthday. Yes, I know, she's two! I don't know where the time has gone! The pictures also embody all that is Mavvie. She is sassy, and yet the sweetest little person. She talks back, in her own mumbled way, but then runs to you with arms raised.

Life Happens

2011-03-21T08:06:00.002-05:00

It has been forever since I shared with you! I'm sorry that life has been happening! We need a nes computer power cord, have had doctor appointments, and just life is going on! I promise that we are going to get a cord this week. Then I will write my paper for class, and update you on the happenings!

New Blog

2011-01-18T10:53:00.003-06:00

My sista and I have started a new blog. We're on a weight loss adventure....join us and enjoy what we come up with to write about!

http://twochubbs.blogspot.com

I'll still be writing on here, but wanted to share the other adventures of my life with you!

Makenna, The Bully

2011-01-13T11:53:00.001-06:00

In April of 2005, I gave birth to a perfect little baby girl that I named Makenna Coleen. She was, and is, beautiful inside and out. She has always snuggled with someone, given kisses, sang songs, and danced. She beats to her own fashion drum, defends the weak, and cries at movies that make her sad. I thought she was a great kid, but then, I'm her Mama so I should think those thoughts.

She went to preschool at three, role modeled for special needs kids, and did awesome. Her passion and zest for life got even the shyest of the autistic kids to come out of their shells. At four, she attended the same preschool, and made new friends. She grew up in a year full of her coming into her own, shall we say.

At five, she began her formal schooling with kindergarten. I had no doubt that she'd be successful, and would be a helper to all around her. She is all of the above, but recently, she's added a new title. She's a bully. She has hit three kids recently, two because she "thought" they did something to her, which was an accident. She didn't think about their feelings as she pummeled their backs with her little girl hands. She didn't think about the consequence, she just hit. She IS the mean girl.

Last night, we had it out, her and I. We both cried, and we talked, and we cried some more. She IS a good girl. She ISN'T this child, this mean, nasty little girl that beats up boys because they accidentally touched her. I am beside myself with what to do. I feel like a failure as a parent, because I have "THAT" girl in her class. I've never taught her to hit because someone does something to her. She rarely gets spankings, just usually gets sent to her room, or the hallway to get herself together.

She said she's learned at school that if someone does something to you, then you hit them. I hate that she's learned this. So I took matters into my own hands. I text messaged her teacher, and requested that the principal speak with Mak. I told Mak of the plan, and she cried and cried.

I want her to be spunky, and to not let anyone take advantage of her. But when she comes to my school, she's going to be suspended if she continues this behavior. My heart is broken over this, and I feel as if I'm failing her as a parent.

How can I get through to her?

Intentions

2010-12-09T12:34:00.002-06:00

When I started writing this blog, I intended to keep it totally up-to-date with information about our lives and pictures. I intended to write down every milestone that the girls accomplished, with great detail. I intended to have funny little stories, quotes, and insights to what I think life is all about.

My intentions were good, I promise. But life happens. It gets in the way of blogging, of resting, of taking time to appreciate the little things along the way. So for now, I'll write what is going on with us, and try to share little things that happen along the way, good and bad.

In thinking of Mavvie's milestones, I realize I miss the baby in her. The snuggle on your chest, smells like a baby, in her. I miss her big eyes looking at me, knowing that I could make it all better for her. Now, I'm in a time of uncertainty with her. I love her independence, her fiesty attitude, and the few snuggles I still get. But I don't know that I can make it all better. Along with everything else going on with her, we've added the possibility of seizures in her daily life. She stares blankly into space, like she is in her own world, but can't come out of it until it's all over. It's scary, and makes me teary. I just want her to be healthy, and away from all of the doctors. My intentions with Mavvie were to let her live life her own way...but she's a hitter, and so I worry about that. She's feisty, but REALLY feisty! So feisty that I worry that she's too aggressive. When I stop and think though, I realize....she's not two years old yet, she's a second born, and most of all, she's pretty happy! She loves life, and goes into everything she does all or nothing. I love her zest for new things, her giggle, and everything from her top of her head to the tips of her little piggy toes! I need to remember to not worry, but to enjoy her, with all of her little quirks, instead of being upset and sad that so much is going on medically with her.

Mak is doing awesome at kindergarten. She's reading, writing sentences, and being a good friend....most of the time. She has the heart of an angel, worrying about her friends and teachers, and getting especially upset when they aren't treated nicely. She worries about David, his upcoming surgery, and about Mavvie. She worries that Mavvie's too sick, that she sees too many doctors, and will have to get lots of shots and not poop often enough. Makenna is me, she worries like me, acts like me, and even gets irrational like me. I worry that I'm too tough on her, that I expect too much, and that I will hurt her if I snap one too many times at her because I'm so worried about everything else. But she's happy, she giggles, she cries, and she screams with delight at the prospect of getting ice cream. She yells at her sister, but then cries when Mav cries. She's a bundle of emotions, feeling her way through being five, learning and teaching along the way. And I love her.

Maybe I was off when my expectation and my intentions with this blog. I do know, however, that that all doesn't matter now. What matters is that I do get somethings written, to get them off of my chest, to bounce the ideas off of you all, and that no matter wha I write, it'll be an honest memory of whatever we are going through!

Sometimes Life Stinks, And Then You Become Thankful

2010-10-27T19:48:00.002-05:00

Life is hard. It's hard being an adult, really, it is. The responsibilities, the kids, the husband, the career, the fun. It's hard. Not only is life hard, but sometimes, it just flat out stinks. Sometimes literally, other times figuratively. We've had enough of the stinking, though, and we thought it was over.

Mavvie started having poo issues again, and she wasn't eating. On top of that, she was throwing cups full of Pediasure (liquid gold) onto the floor. So I had to call Children's Mercy in Kansas City, the home of her GI docs. We set an appointment, and were told to just hang in there for a couple of weeks.

David started having issues again. Stupid heart, his actual heart...not him. He ended up with a surprise cardioversion on a Wednesday, only to go back into the hospital on a Friday, for a weekend stay at the Stormont-Vail Hilton. An appointment was set with is heart surgeon in Kansas City, at KU Med, for the same day as Mavvie's appointment.

Those appointments were yesterday. It's normal that Mavvie's not eating, she's to keep staying away from milk, take some more meds, and call in two weeks. David will have another heart surgery in the next couple of months. We'll know more details soon.

It STINKS that all of this is happening, again. But I'm thankful. While we were at Children's Mercy I saw an old friend from high school. He looked tired, troubled, and surprised to see me standing there. I said my cheerful hello, and he returned, but not so chipper. He informed me that his little boy is having heart complications, it's very serious, and that it doesn't look good. I assured him we'd pray for them, that we were so sorry, and said goodbye.

All day, I thought about my friend and his little guy. I know how great Children's Mercy is because we'd spent so much time there this summer. I know that of all the places in the area, that's where we'll always take Mavvie or Makenna when things are bad. Knowing this doesn't help him, though. We've been through TONS since November, but I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for everyone that loves us, has taken care of David, Makenna, and Mavvie. I'm thankful that we have friends and family that keep us in their thoughts and prayers. I'm thankful for answers, no matter how hard they are to get or hear, they are still answers. I'm especially thankful for doctors and nurses that have taken care of all of us, in times of great stress, trauma, and joy. I'm thankful that they have guided me through this journey patiently, as I stop them to write down information, ask 50 questions, and to pass me tissues when I'm hitting my overload limit. So thank you, all of you.

So when my life stinks, when more meds get added for Mavvie, Makenna's nails aren't healing, and David's heart is stupid, I will remember to be thankful. What are you thankful for?

Please say a prayer for my friend, G, and his family, so that God can guide them, as He has me, in these times of stress and worry.

On Feeling Accepted, Part of the Team, And Getting "It"

2010-09-28T20:39:00.003-05:00

The past two days I have been in meetings, training actually. We had two days of professional development, Kagan training. Kagan is some awesome training about teambuilding, classbuilding, and learning structures for my kiddos. It was awesome! As in AWESOME! As in, THE BEST INSERVICE EVER!!!! i left yesterday excited to get back into my classroom, and left today feeling the same. I feel like I'm ready to get my kindergartners into new teams so that they can learn cooperatively in a more effective way. :)

But more importantly, I have noticed the feeling that I get from being in these trainings with my new co-workers. I feel accepted, and part of the team. I feel like it's okay to be me, to sing along with the Grease soundtrack at full volume, to laugh until I wheeze and cry, and to give my opinion. I appreciate the fact that they want me to feel like I'm part of them, that they want me to succeed on this new journey, and that they are genuinely glad about me being at work with them daily.

I'm thankful for them. I'm thankful for them letting me be me, for accepting me, and for understanding that I don't know some, okay lots, of things but that I'm trying. I am thankful that my principal lets me come in when her red light is up, for the little notes that come under our shared wall from my friend, H. I'm also thankful for the hugs from T. and D, and the hysterics that I get into when I picture I. in her helmet waiting for snow. I'm thankful to be part of their team, an awesome team!

The past year has been one of the hardest of my life, with many ups and downs, more downs than ups, actually. I've been wondering why it all has happened, and I don't know that I'll ever get it, or fully understand. I do know, that as each challenge has happened, and I've gotten through it, I've tried to be positive. I've tried to smile, to laugh, to accept whatever it is that is happening. This is something to add to what I thought was the not-so-great list....getting moved to a new place. But this....THIS....I get!

On Growing

2010-09-19T18:01:00.002-05:00

As we know, I've been moved to a new school and a new grade. TRAUMA, if you all remember. However, I get it now. I was taken out of my comfort zone, removed from my childhood school, friends, and most importantly watching Mak do all of her "firsts" in school-school, not pre-school. I was devastated, to say the least, angry, upset, and very teary.

I'm still involved in the school that I left, however. Mak is in kindergarten there, and I am the secretary of the PTO. It's very different to be a parent than a teacher/parent, as I'm learning. I get to really have an opinion, and voice it, loud and clear, as a parent, not just someone that is complaining. I get to hear all about Mak's day, songs she learned, who had to walk the line, and who she wasn't so nice to on the playground.

This is life, and for me, it's been hard. The hardest thing is starting over, meeting new people, being me around these new people, and mostly missing Mak's firsts. Some things have happened at the school that she's at that I'm not too fond of. She's safe, happy, and LOVES her teacher....and I love her teacher as well. But other things that bothered me as a teacher, really bother me as a parent. That's been interesting to me, and I feel like I was blinded by things when I taught there.

I've learned about me, a lot, throughout this whole process. I try to be optimistic, but at the same time realistic, and I know that about myself. Now I see that my optimism, looking for the good in people, shielded me from a lot of things. It's funny how when you leave someplace, or a situation, and can really reflect on it, things change for you.

In talking this over with my good friend, V, I kept asking and asking why things were changing so much. She informed me, with her infinite wisdom, that things weren't changing, but that it was me that was changing. I was "growing up" so to speak. I love her, her advice, and her outlook on life. She made me realize that leaving wasn't a bad thing, hard, but not bad. She also made me realize that I HAVE grown up, and don't have time for pettiness, gossip, and people that are unkind.

I've realized on my own that I'm stronger than I ever knew, that I value honesty and being kind more than I ever knew. I've also realized that sometimes, just sometimes, people show their true colors when you call them out, ask them questions, or just leave a situation behind. I appreciate where I am now, more than I thought I would. I miss my old school daily, but I get it now. I get that it's okay to grow, and to move on. Good friends, true friends, will always be there.

Things Heard In Kindergarten, Volume One

2010-09-06T19:42:00.003-05:00

"Okay everyone, we are going to trade those big pencils for some with erasers. Erasers are what we use when we make mistakes," I said.
"OOOOHHHH, I LOVE STEAKS!!!" exclaimed one of my students.

"Um, Mrs. Baruth.....Can you sharpen my eraser, please?"

"I can't write my name, but I can write letters."

"Will you please tell him what I just said, but in Spanish?" I asked one student. She nodded yes. I watched her as she looked at him and said nothing. I turned around because I felt like she knew I was watching her. I came back to the pair, and asked if she'd told him. She shook her head. I asked why.....she said, "I don't know how to, but I can say more stuff, so I told him about my brother."

Overall, it's been a tough few weeks for me. I've giggled, cried, sang, danced, and cried some more. I miss my old school, my familiar surroundings, familiar people, and my dearest friends. But I'm making new friends, loving them, and getting used to how things are done at my new school. I'm thankful for a job, but wonder if this is the one for me. I'm giving it my best, which isn't very good some days, but not too shabby other days.

"Good-bye, Good-bye, We had a very good day. Come back, (Clap Clap) Come back, (Clap Clap) another day to play....yay!" We talk everyday about learning being like a game...the more you learn the easier life will be for them. We sing this song every afternoon as we are saying goodbye. What are you excited about learning?

Excuse Me? I Have To Teach What????

2010-08-20T19:12:00.004-05:00

Thursday, August 12th was a rough day for me, although not as rough as Friday, August 13th, and some other days in my life. I found out that Thursday night that I had to leave my school. The school I grew up in, the school I was starting my fifth year in, the school that Mak would be attending for school this year, and Mavvie would be attending eventually. The school that felt like home....smelled like home....and was my home away from home. A lot of blood, sweat and tears were in that school, in my classroom. More importantly, I was leaving my family behind.

I had been displaced due to low enrollment in first grade, but had no idea where I was going or what grade I was even going to. It was shady, made me cry (a lot), and made me sick to my tummy. I am tenured, had been at the school longer than some of the others, and had been super involved. Not only that, but I'd been a good teacher. Suddenly, none of that mattered and I was having to leave.

David and I packed my room in a few hours, most of them involved me crying, other people crying, or just tears in general. I'm sure he thought this was a big display of drama, but these were people that I'd grown to love, to count on, to confide in.

I found out that I was going to a new school, to teach kindergarten. Yep, that's what I said....KINDERGARTEN. Sounds fun, right? I was scared to death. I had less than two paid working days to completely get a classroom up, learn a new curriculum, and be prepared and chipper for 19 kids that were entering elementary school for the first time. Sweet Jesus was all I could think.

I was welcomed with open arms, a welcome sign, and a classroom that was starting to be put together by my new school family. Relief was present, but I was still scared.

I cried most of Friday, did a lot of sweating, spent Saturday at school with my dad, and Sunday recovering from the work. Monday was spent getting the rest of my room ready, making a schedule and getting pep talks from the awesome staff at my new school.

School started on Tuesday, August 17th. I was terrified, but made it through. It's Friday. I'm alive. All of my students are alive. We've attempted groups, centers, singing, dancing, snacks, sharing, calendar, sentence writing, writing our names, identifying words, learning words, learning how to draw a pup, names, seating charts, new seating charts, carpet seating charts, new carpet seating charts, newer carpet seating charts, and a way for me to stop getting screamed at by 19 loud child voices. It's been hard, challenging, funny, and amazingly fast.

Hopefully I'll be left alone, and can stay at this school for a while. The staff is awesome, giving, and caring. I still can't believe that I teach kindergarten, though. And no, I don't wear matching vests, necklaces and jumpers.....or any kind of wooden jewelry that has anything to do with schools.